Bella Thorne Has It Figured Out

I don’t know how old this Disney girl really is. Her mom says she’s sixteen. But it’s like Dominican ball players. You want to be able to tell producers in Hollywood my kid can act and sing and has developed tits and she’s only ten. Bella Thorne seems to have been around for the past ten years looking just the same. I could be thinking of her two older sisters whose Florida stage parents tried to funnel through the same system several years ago. Now they’re doing softcore porn shoots on the beach. I don’t blame people for doing what it takes to get out of Florida. I’d sell my kids souls too.

This latest sibling seems to have her shit figured out. Anybody can make faces well enough for a canned laugh Disney sitcom. But can you make old men want you. That’s how you punch your ticket. Giving up school and friends and losing your virginity to a boy you got to choose is a steep price. Fuck me leather skirts in public is nothing. Go chase your dream, sweetheart. Also, think about an independent auditor for your trust fund. Have you noticed your parents sporting new teeth of late?

Photo Credit: Getty, Pacific Coast News