Lindsay Lohan Shows Sideboob and Bruises for the Motherland

Lindsay Lohan was the guest of honor at The White Party in Austria where they still know Lindsay as the girl who miraculously played both twins in the same scene in The Parent Trap. Only now she has tits and hates bras. Which made her perfect to be the guest of honor at an event where everybody wears white to celebrate “local and international arts and music” while plotting the rise of the next Reich. It took Lindsay a while to figure out why everybody kept asking her if her rich deep bruises were the result of being attacked by gypsies, negroes, and Jews in America. Lindsay deftly dodged politics for one night to focus on drinking and changing her dress when she felt pee running down her leg. Lindsay collected her check at the end of the evening and was carted away in a World Cup field stretcher, waving bravely at the crowd. The evening was a grand success.

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