Jessica Simpson Is Not Fat Anymore

Jessica Simpson lost weight. I wouldn’t know except after five years of pregnancy pounds and violating her Weight Watchers don’t-get-fat contract stipulations, Jessica Simpson is showing off her new reduced calorie body in every medium known to 2014 mankind. Girls like to write supportive shit about each other when they’re losing weight. Naturally, they’re jealous and hateful and waiting for their friends to get super fat again so they can feel relatively less horrible. Just as men who compliment their buddies for getting a fine girlfriend are really thinking, I shall murder you in a shallow puddle and then take your woman for myself. People are an evil jealous bunch. Most animal species are far more communal and supportive. You can taste that when you dine on their flesh. Losers.

Photo Credit: Jessica Simpson/Instagram