Fat Sleeping Guy Sues Yankees, ESPN

Andrew Rector is either a humorless fuck or knows the Yankees and ESPN are loaded because he’s suing them for $10 million dollars for mocking him in the stands during a ball game. Rector fell asleep in his seat at Yankee Stadium allowing TV announcers Dan Shulman and John Kruk to take a few jabs at him. Making fun of a fat guys happens to be a moral imperative. It’s also inherently more entertaining than baseball. Rector claims that he was publicly derided as a:

“Confused disgusted and socially bankrupt individual.”

I’ll just assume this is accurate and that Rector is a fat slob looking for a nuisance settlement. It doesn’t reflect well on America that we are becoming so engorged on hot dogs and nachos that we cannot stay awake to be entertained by dudes from Latin America who can now afford gold by the foot.

Sorry, Andy. You shit your pants in the public square and people have the right to call you Dr. Shitty Pants. I think Thomas Jefferson even wrote that into the Constitution. If I were Rector, I would have offered to pull my lawsuit in exchange for 5,000 calories of food at the snack stand and a neck pillow that supported my jowls. Sometimes big people need to think small.