Cameron Diaz Don’t Need No Stinking Babies

In this month’s Esquire magazine, Cameron Diaz announced for the tenth time that she doesn’t want to be a mom and instantly became the weeping Jesus on the gas station wall for millions of childless by choice women. These anti-nesters are forever scorned for choosing Italian wine tasting vacations and 2-seat sports cars over the trial of shit-soaked diapers and shopping at Costco. Some women simply don’t want to be mothers. There can’t be anything immoral about that. Kids are murderous on the environment and likely responsible for global warming or global cooling or even the dreaded global ‘I think I should bring a sweatshirt’. Birth control is one of the fundamental building blocks to wealthier nations. Childless couples have far more free time to develop cures for cancer and learn how to ballroom dance. There are countless, or maybe about ten, other famous actresses who chose never to have kids. Most of them were lesbians, but Cameron Diaz is blazing her own hetero child-free path. As she breaks down barriers, she will create a culture where childless by choice women are no longer mocked for being super creepy close to their house pets. You want to put ointment on your cat’s vagina, God bless. We got Hondurans who can handle the next generation of jobs. We’re good.