Bill Clinton Still Likes to Bone

A new book being released about the Clintons claims Bill has a new mistress. I guess she’s replaced the former mistresses who in turn replaced the interns Bill would ream in the Lincoln Bedroom while Linda Bloodworth-Thomason fingered her pudgy crotch in the corner. Bill’s Secret Service detail has nicknamed the new girl ‘Energizer’ in reference to her nonstop fucking abilities. The book has all the super secret classified details:

“It was a warm day, and she was wearing a low cut tank top, and as she leaned over, her breasts were very exposed. They appeared to be very perky and very new and full…There was no doubt in my mind they were enhanced.”

The unnamed agents claim the chick shows up pretty much any time Hillary leaves the couple’s Westchester mansion to travel to sweaty Emmanuelle destinations with Anthony Weiner’s wife. Fifteen years on I think we’ve finally reached the point where nobody blames Bill for requiring the company of women not in gunt-minimizing pantsuits. At some point, even the most ardent teetotaler hands the alcoholic a bottle so he can get some sleep.

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