Mila Kunis Keeping the Douchebaby

The two things keeping us from being one of those countries where Hollywood women buy babies is premium cable and birth control. You can thank HBO and the earnest folks at Planned Parenthood with their low carbon footprint Hoover-9000 for helping this country to be mostly warm and fat. In Mali, they might be willing to spread the UNICEF grain around to child seventeen, but here, everybody needs a car. Can you afford seventeen cars? Ashton Kutcher has had a lot of sex with a lot of women through the years. But no offspring. If you think that’s a coincidence, you’re simply missing out on the wonderful wide world of strip mall abortion. A woman’s right to choose is a woman’s right to choose, but, Mila Kunis, you’re about to ruin America.

Photo Credit: AKM-GSI