I Expected More from Dakota Fanning’s Ass

I’m emotionally incapable of experiencing feelings of disappointment. It’s really just a matter of calibrating your happiness expectations to that of meth addicted stripper working the Reno-Sparks corridor. But as somebody who’s watched every Dakota Fanning movie ever from the balcony while sporting a trench coat, I’d have to admit I’m a bit disappointed in her role in Very Good Girls. It’s one of those indie movies bound to have the non-starving Olsen sister in it and inevitably has been in the can at least two years before you ever get to see it direct to Croation Hulu. The insidious press bastards suggested that Dakota was so avant garde, she was going to be naked in this movie. She’s not. And even the single shot of her bare ass was somewhat underwhelming compared to my Dakota Fanning albino fantasy art drawings. I don’t know who I sue to feel whole again, but I will be asking for a cut of I Am Sam with retarded Sean Penn edited out all scenes.