Guy Skydives While Wearing George H.W. Bush

George Bush Sr. jumped out of an airplane again for his 90th birthday. Technically, Bush was wheeled to the plane, carried aboard, and had his revered, but aged carcass strapped to an Army parachuter. Bush celebrated his 75th, 80th, and 85th birthdays as a human fanny-pack as well. As an avid member of the Bilderberg Group and the League of Extraordinary Gentlemen, Bush holds an antidote for the ravages of time, which is why his wife has remained in a grey-haired stasis since the mid 60’s. It seems likely that Bush may celebrate his 100th, 200th and even 300th birthday by having his Mr. Burns like body slipped into a parachuter’s cargo pocket. Though the latter two occasions may be held on whatever planet we’ve moved to because people just won’t use that earth-friendly toilet paper that leaves shit stains on your fingers. Somebody scoop up Bush, it’s time to leap from the Intergalactic transport. Fuck if I know how old he is now, just get the fucking shovel.

Photo Credit: Getty Images