Disney Has a Star Wars Movie Breaching Every Ten Minutes

There are no nerds like Star Wars nerds. I think it might be their sheer number that put them atop the Chapstick smelling heap of whiny Internet geeks. They’re autonomic nervous system depends upon other people interpreting the Star Wars universe according to their personal biblical orthodoxy. But Disney is an even more powerful machine that Star Wars nerds or Jesus and they don’t give a fuck who cringes at the thought of a Boba Fett revealing himself to be a hot Hispanic actor trending big in key demographics. If Disney wants Qui-Gon to announce he’s polyamorous and supports transgendered rights, that’s going down. And it’s going down daily. Disney is now slated to produce something like forty-seven new Star Wars films. Sequels, prequels, and spin-offs. The dude who did Godzilla just got him one. So did the dude who’s doing Fantastic Four. J.J. Abrams is teasing fanboys online with his production slate and will not stop for fifteen more movies. The banker with big boobs George Lucas married last year is contractually obligated to helm the Housewives of Naboo hybrid reality series. And Disney has promised a Star Wars mini-series to Hezbollah if they agree to stop using Mickey Mouse in their kill-all-the-Jews training videos for children. Disney is going to give you Stars Wars until you can’t fucking stand it anymore. And then we’re all going to punch the first guy who stands up to announce he doesn’t recognize the Phantom Menace as valid lore.

Photo Credit: JJ Abrams/Twitter