Wladimir Klitschko Is Testing The Limits Of Hayden Panettiere’s Cervix

Wladimir Klitschko is 6-foot-6 and weighs about 245 pounds, while Hayden Panettiere is 3-foot-1 and weighs as much as a bag of grapes, so it’s only natural to imagine him splitting her into a dozen pieces when they have crazy Ukrainian gorilla sex. But whatever his methods, Wladimir has managed to not only keep Hayden in one piece but he got her pregnant, too. In fact, Us Weekly claims she’s “totally pregnant” in case you doubted the validity of this report. It must have been her doctor who filed that anonymous tip, because only people who went to really expensive schools use such technical medical terms as “totally pregnant” and eventually, once Hayden gives birth, “snatch like the Chunnel.”

Photo Credit: Getty, Glamour