The Kids All Hate Michelle Obama

The teens always have to be bitching and moaning about something. Currently, it’s Michelle Obama sneaking into school cafeterias late night and replacing all the good tasting crappy food with crappy tasting good food. Except it’s not really good food, it’s just less unhealthy. And the kids are fucking outraged. I could show you a few Twitter rants and pretend it stands for all of America, but mostly just imagine your tater tots and chicken nuggets got replaced with peas and soy milk gluten-free wheat noodle salads and you’ll subsume the rage. Even the smarmy kids whose parents felt obliged to raise them to appreciate good nutrition are bitching because the new healthy menu takes like shit.

Starving kids at school isn’t exactly a way to get kids’ obesity down.  — Caitlin Tagner, a high school sophomore from North Carolina speaking for a generation of kids named Caitlin and Braden.

Anyone who’s ever been cash-raped at Whole Foods market or the organic produce section of their grocery store can tell you that healthy food costs a butt-ton more than junk food. You can’t serve up decent tasting healthy meals for a couple bucks. Surprisingly, the kids just aren’t lining up for the mealy brown crudités plates where their pizza slices used to sit. As a result, much of the new healthy food is ending up in the trash, while the kids are going hungry and figuring out how to rhyme ‘Michelle Obama’ with you’re not my mom so leave my fucking food alone you annoying intrusive nanny state she-devil. For Michelle’s part, she’s just smiling and continuing to teach fat kids how to dance for ten minutes a day.

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