Paula Patton Didn’t Like Robin Thicke Twosoming Their Threesome

The sum total of my relationship advice boils down to one simple phrase: fuck one person at a time. Most every cataclysmic death of an intimate relationship occurs because somebody had to start fucking outside the box. You can use all the modern day polyamory mumbo jumbo you want, when knocking boots starts involving more than two people, it’s going to end up with somebody crying and talking to a lawyer. Star magazine is now reporting that Paula Patton split with Robin Thicke because he was boning their threesome girl as just a twosome. The third wheel, known only as the mysterious ‘Jasmine the masseuse’ got into the bedroom mix with Paula and Robin after Robin said quite innocently one day, ‘Hey, honey, I know how to keep our marriage strong…’. He then produced the masseuse with a Cheshire grin and declared that her vagina was a present for the both of them. You might as well start the countdown clock then for when that marriage was going to end. I realize swinging works out okay for some fat couples in their 50’s in Orange County who can’t stand mounting each other’s jiggling folds any longer. But it’s not going to hold for people with decent options. Paula Patton is a good looking lady who makes money and movies with Denzel Washington. She doesn’t need to watch some chick named Jasmine teabagging her husband in his sunglasses to make her marriage work. And, you, toolbag, Robin Thicke. You don’t have to be married. By some fortune of God you’ve fallen into a position of being able to bone tons of super hot girls. Go do that.  Bless you. Stop with the polyamorous open relationship marriage bulllshit. Nobody needs that.