Magic Johnson And His The AIDS Are the Real Villain

They’ve yet to invent a better way to deflect negative attention than by denouncing other people for even worse shit. It worked in third grade, it works when you get arrested, it works in the White House when the jobs number suck. It’s loathsome, but only because it’s a sure winner. Donald Sterling might not be so big on his arm candy being seen with black men, but he’s not as bad as Magic Johnson, or so he told Anderson Cooper who pretended this wasn’t just a circus interview:

Here is a man who – I don’t know if I should say this – he acts so holy. I mean, he made love to every girl in every city and he has AIDS. And when he had those AIDS, I went to my synagogue and I prayed for him, I hoped he would be well.

I don’t know if I should say this line I’ve been rehearsing for the past twenty years or not, but, what the hell, here goes: I’m a pious man of great compassion and Magic Johnson is an out of control ass fucker. No offense intended, Anderson Cooper, you delicate lesbian homo.

Sterling went on to talk about how Magic Johnson is a false prophet with The AIDS who doesn’t do shit for black people. Sterling claims Magic manipulated the V. Stiviano events to make Sterling look horrible so he could force Sterling to sell the Clippers to Magic, or maybe Oprah, or some other rich black demon. Anderson Cooper felt obliged to defend Magic Johnson, citing how he opened up a Magic Fridays restaurant and a Magic movie theater in a black neighborhood where people can yell shit at Madea for being crazy hilarious. Sterling had no time for facts and ended humbly with a completely impromptu apology:

I’m not a racist. I made a terrible, terrible mistake. And I’m here with you today to apologize and to ask for forgiveness for all the people that I have hurt. And I have hurt so many people, so many innocent people.

Then Sterling shed a single tear he had purchased at the Van Cleef & Arpels store earlier in the day. At that point, he didn’t even have to mention that he’s killed nobody while Magic Johnson and The AIDS has wiped out tens of millions. He had nailed it. Things could not be looking brighter for Donald Sterling.