Shailene Woodley Likes Having Hairy Pits

Divergent star and hippie crunchy Shailene Woodley says she likes to dance around with hairy armpits. Shailene is kind of a weird girl. She is a big up-and-coming star but she’s all into, like, natural stuff and enjoys being in, like, in forests and she eats clay and suntans her vag. These two sides to her persona are at odds with each other because no one wants some hairy woodland yeti girl on the red carpet.

“I find myself living in two worlds sometimes — being this person who can walk a red carpet in a huge, fancy-ass ball gown, high heels and mountains of makeup, but also being the girl at a hippie festival in the middle of the forest with war paint on my face, dancing around with hairy armpits. I exist so well in both, and I used to feel like I had to choose one or the other.”

I don’t know what’s going on with these Hollywood chicks lately. Cameron Diaz talks about the wonders of not wearing deodorant and both she and Gwyneth Paltrow are all about the hairy bush. Others are forsaking the undergarments, which is not so horrible, but the lack of general hygiene and grooming is alarming. Maybe I’m old fashioned but I like a woman completely shorn and hairless as if I am a Yemeni holy man about to take his eight year old bride on her wedding night the way God intended.