Lindsay Lohan Maybe Had a Baby

The three people watching Lindsay Lohan’s Fat Orpah Network reality show collectively gasped in their minimum security prison cafeteria as Lindsay finished up the first and last season of her reality show by telling the camera she had a miscarriage during filming. I’m not sure if she meant right then and there or earlier during filming, though probably the latter as there was enough time for Fat Oprah to tease the shit out of Lindsay’s ‘big secret announcement’. If you’re Fat Oprah, you can do shit like build schools in Africa where kids get abused and exploit Lindsay Lohan’s miscarriage for ratings and nobody can fucking touch you. Personally, I thought that Lindsay was going to announce she was gay or drunk or snorting cocaine off the ball sacs of wealthy Indian scions again, but, nope, miscarriage. Kind of a bummer ending to an otherwise upbeat couple months in the life of a drug troubled former child star with life threatening psychological issues and a family pathology of abuse and addiction. They’re usually much more funny.