Lana Del Rey Becomes Interesting With Water

Lana Del Rey is pretty damn boring. When she used to be known as Lizzy Grant, the shy really boring singer, it was kind of like, hell, she’s shy and boring and that’s okay because she can sing not super horrible and she seems real. I don’t know who said that, but I imagine it was a bunch of people who go to sign-up shows in the Village and applaud anything retro and non-commercially viable. But now that she’s become Lana Del Rey, with all the new looks and shapes and persona that came with it, she has to be judged against the landscape of virtual circus girls and stage strippers that round out her profession. And by that standard, she comes up like a dried sponge. Miley Cyrus may look like the tattered knitted rape doll they leave in the cages with the male monkeys in heat to keep from assaulting each other, but at least she’s not dull. Lana Del Rey is boring, so they’re getting her to take her clothes off more in her music videos in hopes that people won’t nod off so much like they do when she speaks. It seems to be working. Her conveniently ‘leaked’ new track ahead of her album release is playing all over the Internet reminding many people how amazing her music is to drop a deuce by. I listened to the entire track and was rewarded by shitting out the stubborn remnants of a fast food burrito I ate in 2003. Lana Del Rey could be a thing. But she’ll need to ditch the bra.

Photo Credit: Pacific Coast News