Jillian Michaels Is On the Side of Good

Jillian Michaels took time away from yelling at fat people to yell at a PETA rally to get rid of Central Park’s horse drawn carriages. People have been trying to get rid of those cloyingly romantic carriages since as far back as I can remember. The new New York City mayor and his lesbian wife and a whole bunch of celebrities are out to replace the horse drawn carriages with electric vintage cars, because that is totally environmentally award worthy thinking. The anti-carriage crowd used to complain that the old horses were high on steroid suppositories and had to consume their own feces or something horrific like that. Then the carriage people got Red Cross inspectors to come and show how nicely their horse prisoners are really treated. So PETA counter punched with the the alarmingly shrill voices of Jillian Michaels, Alec Baldwin, Lea Michele, and Pink. That’s a road trip foursome from hell. The good and more evolved people are now claiming the horse drawn carriages are too dangerous to be traveling the city streets with cars and pedestrians. Two carriages knocked each other over last year, just to definitively prove their point on safety. Liam Neeson rushed to the defense of the horse drawn carriages, causing everyone to reflect on how much more manly he is than his celebrity opposition, except for Pink when she’s skipping her estrogen, naturally.