Simon Cowell Is Being Too Obvious

There’s no other reason for a really wealthy man to walk around on Miami Beach with no shirt on and two stupid little dogs on leashes than to try to get laid. Simon Cowell may love telling people how much he enjoys being a father for the first time, but he’s clearly missing the days that he could bring random women on to his yacht to stroke his chest hair while he fed them the meat of endangered baby animals. Otherwise he would have paid an old Cuban person a crisp one dollar bill to take these little rat dogs out for a dump, while he continued to convince Lauren Silverman that they should break up another guy’s marriage just so they can have a threesome in front of him while he cries.

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