Jessica Pare’s Teeth Will Find You

It’s really great that Jessica Pare can joke about her own massive raping redneck beaver teeth. Because I can’t. I’ve watched Mad Men a few times and they trick you with those long slow tilts up Jessica’s great body in little outfits and then… blammo! The fucking fangs of Hades come at you like an 80’s cheap 3-D horror movie. Even Richard Kiel is left cowering in the corner chewing on a table leg. Jessica is naked, so there’s that on her balance sheet. And the airbrushers did a nice job on softening her grill. But it’s all just a well orchestrated trap to suck you into her recessed gum dungeon where your screams will only drive her central incisors closer to bone.

Photo Credit: Esquire