Jen Selter Is Ruined

Jen Selter is this Instagram famous model who everybody says has the perfect ass. I’m mot sure what the perfect ass is, but I’d like to think I’d know it when I felt it, right before the police were called and somebody made some accusation of unwanted touching. If you’re Vanity Fair and you get the chick with the perfect ass to do her first big legit photo shoot, the most important thing to consider is how to hide her ass beneath some idiotic costumery. Why not hire DaVinci and ask him to paint your fucking cupboards, you fatuous morons? Granted, I once did hire the local preschool teacher of the year to work my buddy’s bachelor party, but that’s more a statement on how we value teachers in our society than it is an excuse to cover up this model’s amazing ass. I’ve stopped reading Vanity Fair since they let Gwyneth Paltrow shitcan their expose on her being a cheating shitcan. I can’t read a magazine without principles unless it has pictures of naked women. Everybody needs a line in the sand.

Photo Credit: Ruven Afanador / Vanity Fair