Robin Thicke and Paula Patton End Their Endless Love

Robin Thicke separated from his wife Paula Patton after 9 years of marriage and being exclusive sweethearts since sophomore year of high school. According to baseless gossip, and a few less baseless photos, Robin has had wandering gonads since hitting it big with his anthem to getting over on girls, Blurred Lines. The reports of his infidelities have been flowing in steadily from various and sundry ladies of great dignity and self-worth. He kept denying it, saying that they were all just good friends, because all married men need hot lady friends to talk Downton Abbey with at 2am in their dressing rooms. Robin and Paula issued a press release to express their heartfelt and poignant feelings over the breakup.

“We will always love each other and be best friends, however, we have mutually decided to separate at this time.”

Who makes a better friend than an unfaithful ex-spouse? If you’re going to hit the arcade for a little Skee ball, that’s who I’m calling first. The tale of a guy cheating the minute he hits it big time is about as old and cliche as they come. But once more a reminder to women that there’s really little point to hitching your wagon to a musician or an athlete or any kind of entertainer. They exist in only two stages, broke-ass and dependent or they hit it big and they’re surrounded by tons of hot skank begging to extract their sperm. That interim period where he can take you somewhere nicer than Arby’s for your birthday but isn’t yet banging schools of cod is about ten seconds long. If you don’t want a husband who shows up in the morning with a rainbow party on his dick, try an accountant, or, you know, a doughy pale blogger. We never cheat, try as we may.