Clay Aiken Will Run For Congress

Clay Aiken is going to put his flailing music career on hold to run for Congress. The crooning pixie will try and get the seat currently held by Renee Ellmers in North Carolina. Aiken has been toying with the idea of having his member democratically elected for a while now. He feels that his credentials as a guy that came in second place in a singing competition ten years ago gives him the knowledge and experience required to help run the country. It’s hard to say anybody could be worse than the barrel of failed businessmen and dimwitted activists and combed-over pederasts currently filling the hallowed halls of the Capitol. But Clay Aiken forces that conversation. At least give me Ruben Studdard. He actually won American Idol and he’s lost over 200 pounds like five times. I appreciate Clay’s impressive transformation into a lady Lithgow, but Studdard is the guy to solve the national debt crisis with song and a salad.