We Almost Lost Anne Hathaway

Anne Hathaway staged a near drowning in Hawaii so that her husband could rescue her in front of the paparazzi and regain the masculinity he first felt when Anne grabbed him by the wrist and told him he was going to be her husband. Anne flailed her arms a full ten feet off the coastline of Hawaii when an oceanographically inexplicable rip tide threatened to take away the world’s greatest actress. She screamed out for help didn’t realize that her husband couldn’t hear her through the Bublé he had blasting on his earbuds. A nearby surfer who I guess didn’t read the Please Don’t Save Anne Hathaway memo to locals grabbed Anne and brought her back to the shore where she made her husband suck fake poison out of her foot for his failure to perform his role. Emote. Counter emote. It was very dramatic.

Photo Credit: FameFlynet