Kris Jenner Screens Her Girls Dates for Celebrity Power

According to HollywoodLife.com, which sounds pretty reputable to me since it contains the words Hollywood and Life, Kris Jenner screens dates for her two teen daughters to make sure the boys are bringing some serious publicity power to the table. I guess this is supposed to be shocking. I’m surprised she doesn’t measure their girth with her puckered mouth to make sure she can still sell her youngin’s as virgins when the big offers come in from the OPEC nations. The fact that Kris only wants her girls dating men who can increase their commercial value seems pretty standard practice for a mom who kicked off her management career by getting her kids to start shagging black celebrities, on camera whenever possible.

Kylie Jenner refuted the report in a a Tweet:

the fact that some people actually believe I would waste my time dating someone as a publicity stunt

But since she could only come up with a noun phrase and not a complete sentence, nobody was sure if her response was valid. Tragic since Kylie would’ve likely been able to complete this thought with just a year or two more in the schoolhouse her mom ripped her out of so she could date famous boys.

Every mom just wants their kids to be happy. Kris is just the smart one who figured out how to measure happiness in terms of raw purchasing power. Her kids will end up hating her, but she’ll probably win a Nobel Prize in economics. That’s just the price of genius.

Photo Credit: Splash, INFphoto.com