Kaley Cuoco’s New Husband Is a Romantic

You know whose name you don’t tattoo prominently on your body? The person you just fell in love with or just married or just met their cute puppy and decided you want to make babies with them and open up a free-trade coffee house in Butte, Montana. In fact, you shouldn’t really even be allowed to get a real tattoo until you’re 30, with no inked names until you’re 40. It would save so much fucking skin-ache. But, there’s no stopping the true romantics. Ryan Sweeting just married Kaley Cuoco and figured what the heck, only 89% of celebrity marriages end in divorce, let’s tat this shit permanent with her name sprawled across my forearm. And how about maybe toss in a giant roman numeral of the date of our wedding just to kick it up a couple fairytale notches. Oh, my god, she’s going to love this. If things go south, I can always wear long sleeves for the rest of my life so people don’t mock the living shit out of me.

Kaley reciprocated her new husband’s boldly romantic move by getting drunk at a party and grabbing her own tits for the camera. I’m going to peg Kaley as the one who comes out less broken on the back end of this relationship.