Heidi Klum Dismounts Her Kids’ Bodyguard

Never in the long and vaunted history of rich people banging the help has anybody been given such a hall pass as Heidi Klum. She started inviting her kids burly bodyguard to her bedroom about eleven seconds after Seal’s feet hit the pavement on the way out the door. She really liked Martin for all his special qualities, like having a cock and being on the payroll. Oh, also, naturally, it was about the kids:

This is one reason why I’m so fond of him … He’s been helping me for four years now, and he takes wonderful care of the kids. He plays with them, he protects them. I trust him.

Men can’t fuck the babysitter and get away with such bullshit. People magazine isn’t going to feature you a romantic expose about how you railed young Kimberly after seeing her supervise your kids on the play structure at the park. Nope, you’re just going to be the dude who fucked the babysitter and now your married guy friends aren’t allowed to hang out with you anymore.

But even convenient upstairs downstairs at the manor fairy tales eventually go kaput. Heidi and Martin have called it quits. Of course, when you’re fucking your boss and that stops, you also lose your job. But for one shining moment, the servant got into the masters bedroom. You did all right for yourself, Martin. Now, go find some other kids with a hot mom to protect.

Photo Credit: Getty, Heidi Klum/Twitter, Instagram