Katy Perry Likes Her Some Hummus

Katy Perry’s contract riders for hotel amenities are as demanding as you’d imagine. A rider is basically the blank sheet at the back end of performance contract in which the talent can demand special requests on top of the cash and basics. This is where you can insist upon a pair of granny panties filled with green M&Ms or anus bleaching toilet paper. Katy Perry has a long list of riders and these are just for the spread in her hotel suite:

SmartWater, plain Fage Greek yogurt, organic toasted almond granola, bananas, apples, tangerines, director’s chair, a full-length mirror, fresh crudites to include at least 3 of the following types of vegetables: cucumbers, peppers, carrots, snap peas, jicama, broccoli, cauliflower, sliced deli platter – turkey and Swiss cheese, dried mango slices, flaxseed tortilla chips, Stacy’s Parmesan, garlic & herb pita chips, plain hummus, garlic hummus, bowl of ranch dressing, Mad Mexican salsa verde, fresh guacamole, green and chamomile teas, Sencha Shot green tea (in a can), electric kettle, and a wardrobe steamer.

How many fucking snacks do you need? Especially since we all know you don’t fucking eat because your parents forgot to ask Jesus for thin hips for you. What the hell are you doing with an entire bowl of ranch dressing? Do you dip John Mayer’s cock in it so it doesn’t taste like Jessica Simpson? Why can’t you just enjoy your luxury suite and the several hundred thousand you get each night to lip-synch songs somebody else wrote for you. You’re a good looking monkey with tits. That would explain the hotel feed bag list.