Playboy Pretends Kate Moss Is a Big Get

“This creates a heat for the brand globally. It started with Marilyn Monroe on the cover of Playboy 60 years ago, an icon for her time. Now we’ve got Kate Moss!” — Jimmy Jellinek, Playboy Editorial Director

Really, Jimmy? I hope to God that your press release writer added that exclamation point without your knowledge. Wasn’t it just two Christmases ago that Photoshopped images of a horse tranquilized Lindsay Lohan was your Marilyn Monroe? The entire world is not holding their breath to see Kate Moss over-produced nudes. She’s been naked a hundred times before, thousands of shot glasses and bumps of coke ago. She’s not even a Playboy type model. She’s a 40-year old fashion model you’re going to have to airbrush until you’re out of air.

“You’re talking about the face of Burberry, the biggest supermodel in the world on the cover of Playboy. She’s the perfect partner for us to help launch the next 60 years.”

Not Burberry, the upscale British clothing and accessories house. Fuck, Playboy, are you even listening to yourself? Kate Moss in 2013 is like your sommelier pissing in your wine glass and telling you it pairs perfectly with the fish. It’s probably time to pack up the magazine business. You don’t even need to tell the old man. Just crank up the twilight slumber gas in his stasis chamber and tell him Barbie Benton’s here to give him a handy. Let him go out feeing like a champ.