Alec Baldwin Falls Victim to a Vast Right Wing Cocksucking Conspiracy

Alec Baldwin wants the world to know he’s friend to gays and all woodland mammals. The fact that Alec sometimes lets loose a homophobic slur in no way impedes his ability to be an ardent LGBT supporter. He’s so hardcore about LGBT rights that he named his child Carmen. Nobody can remember if it’s a boy or a girl. Gender neutrality point, Alec Baldwin. The fact that Alec called an annoying paparazzi a ‘cocksucking fag’ on the street in New York is merely part of a right wing attempt to make enlightened souls like Alec seem like elitist hypocrites. To wit, Alec didn’t even say ‘cocksucking fag’, he said ‘cocksucking fathead‘, as proven by expert acoustic analysis as performed by his young yoga instructor wife as she cringed before her irate husband bathed in his own sweat and demons. Alec had some Tweets up threatening to sue TMZ for claiming he uttered the word ‘fag’, but they seem to have been deleted. I suppose in preparation for the big legal action where Alec can explain in deposition that his Tweet earlier this summer calling a gay journalist a ‘toxic queen’ was a cheeky royal dig, that barking at somebody that you hope they ‘choke to death’ is a Buddhist blessing, and that he honestly thought that the black photographer’s real name was ‘Coon McCrackhead’.