Eminem’s Daughter Crowned Homecoming Queen

All I really know about Hailie I learned from Eminem rap songs about wanting to kill her mom, or his own mom, or do something violent to somebody in honor of Hailie. I just wanted to find Hailie and hug her and tell her that her little angry father was just speaking his peace, grabbing his dick, and making a boatload of dollars that she’d someday inherit. Turns out Hailie’s doing okay. Her mom’s still un-killed, her dad’s off the prescription painkillers, and she was voted Homecoming Queen at her Michigan high school. Eminem watched her parade proceedings from inside the high school cafeteria so that he wouldn’t create a scene with all the people he’d called fucking bitches and whores through the years. Same reason I can’t go back to any of my high school reunions.