Diddy Says His New Network Is A Big Fucking Deal

Music mogul and prodigious child maker Diddy launched his new Revolt network last night. The idea behind the network is that it plays nothing but music. You know, like MTV did for two decades, except that this is totally different…somehow. Diddy is really talking this thing up like he just invented the fucking lightbulb. Whenever someone repeatedly tells you something is going to change the world, you know it’s going to be short-lived. Still waiting to meet up with my buddies on our Segways. According to Diddy, Revolt will be THE trend-maker:

“We’re looking for greatness, we’re looking for great stars, we’re looking for people who have something to say. Our bar is extremely high. … There are other places artists will be able to get exposure, but when you make it to Revolt you will feel you’ve been authorized.”

I would like to feel authorized. I wonder if that feels anything like the prostate massage I keep seeing offered for free in the Craigslist health section. The truth is that putting music on TV has always been iffy. MTV was a massive cultural explosion, but it didn’t have very high ratings until it started adding its horrifying reality programming. Jersey Shore blew away Bel Biv Devoe videos five times an hour. Diddy isn’t all fool, he’s made some serious money in the past, maybe he will again with Revolt. Maybe the kids these days really do want to see the next Chris Brown being authorized by Diddy. Justin Bieber has 45 million Twitter followers. I don’t know this world anymore.