Rihanna Toys With Deadly Endangered Snuggle Beast

Rihanna almost died this weekend when she decided to play with a deadly endangered Loris in Thailand. A Loris is a tiny endangered primate that looks like a friendly Ewok but is really a vicious killer. Like many hookers in Thailand, the Loris can secrete a deadly toxin through their elbows which they then use in a shock inducing bite. Any animal that can kill you with its elbows is an animal you want to be wearing on your shoulder for a selfie. Rihanna posed with the beast and then Instagrammed the picture. This pissed a lot of people off. The men who took the picture were quickly arrested for keeping an endangered animal and putting Rihanna’s life in danger. Rihanna was forced to sign autographs for two hours with people who couldn’t pronounce her name. The Loris went back to being the koala bears’ bad- ass cousin.