Prince William Leaving the Military (He Was in the Military?)

Apparently, Prince William has spent the last almost eight years as a full time soldier. Well, airman. I guess he was deep cover pretending to be a polo playing and ball-attending prince during his stint in the R.A.F. because I had no fucking clue the future king of England was even in the military.

“His Royal Highness The Duke of Cambridge is to leave operational service in the Armed Forces. He completes his Tour with the Royal Air Force Search and Rescue Force at RAF Valley, Anglesey, after more than seven-and-a-half years of full-time military service.” — statement from Kensington Palace.

Yep, see, right there. The Palace said so. They could’ve said he was an astronaut or a baker of magic pies and I guess I’d be no more confounded. The same statement when on to suggest the Prince’s future career moves:

“William will expand his work in the field of conservation, particularly in respect of endangered species.”

I guess he’s going to wrangle poachers or protect the gnus of sub-Saharan Africa or other things that can be done by telling your butler to make it so. I don’t mind that they’re making shit up for the Prince so he looks like a servant of important causes. But England’s kings were much cooler in the old days when they didn’t feel a need for a job description beyond ‘vanquishing the French and befouling their women’.