Lance Armstrong Had to Cheat

Lance Armstrong is working his way through the six stages of grief. Or the five steps of loss. Or some such shit when you lose all of your career titles and accomplishments because you got caught cheating and being a dick. His latest step involves justifying his doping as necessary to win the Tour de France since everybody else was doing it. Oh, so if everybody else was cutting out a nut you’d do that too, Lance? What Lance really should be saying is that cycling is an intensely boring, insipid, and utterly French spectator sport, that without a chemically-injected beast to give it character, would basically just be women’s basketball. People would still hate him, but at least he’d be telling the truth.