Kate Middleton Considering Hippie Hypno-Birth

Kate Middleton is considering forgoing modern science and giving birth under hypnosis. It’s one of those all-natural hippie birthing techniques that rich douchebags choose instead of plopping out kids high on drugs like God intended. And, the big question — why? This skeletal siren is the future queen of England. Her grandmother-in-law is the richest woman in the world. Her progeny will one day ascend to the throne. In other words, she can afford the best healthcare in the world. Think about all those countries that used to be part of the British Empire where women have to squat in a hut somewhere and hope that they don’t die and that their kid’s live to adult molar age. And Kate wants to do some new age bullshit? Fuck her in her royal ass. Kate should do like Queen Victoria told her daughter on her wedding night, “Lay still and think of Britain” and take an epidural.