Islamists Declare A Jihad On Russell Brand

Russell Brand had to cancel his tour dates in the Middle East over concerns for his safety. You might remember Brand from such films as Forgetting Sarah Marshall or as the dude who used to fuck Katy Perry. Russell was planning on playing in Abu Dhabi and Lebanon on his Messiah Complex tour as a show of love and inclusiveness. While it’s real nice and all that he wanted to bring a little laughter to that part of the world, should he really be surprised that a Western comedian known for his sexual escapades with a show called Messiah Complex would not go over well in fucking Beirut?

Abu Dhabi is a popular tourist destination and plenty of Western artists perform there. It’s like Vegas with less whores or fat people from Nebraska on Segways. Brand can’t possibly be the most offensive act scheduled to play at one of their hotels. You’d think they would be more upset about some female singer that showed her ankles or Zionist overlord Neil Diamond. They’re probably just big Katy Perry fans and they don’t like how he treated her. The only album they have in their terror cell is a bootleg tape of Teenage Dream. (I was going to say Dynamite, but, you know.)