Kate Upton Hates Victoria’s Secret

I don’t care what the fight is about, I’m taking Kate Upton’s side. She stole a dress from your store? Too bad, not her fault. She got loaded and plowed her car through your living room? Rebuild. She slept with the PM of Pakistan and stole the nuclear launch codes to a set of missiles aimed right at Cincinnati  Tough luck, Cinci, now  you’ll never get an NBA franchise. Kate Upton can do no wrong. She’s blond and beautiful and has ginormous boobs and I’d gladly let her ruin my life, let alone yours. I’d certainly let her fuck up the shit of Victoria’s Secret after they dissed her.

We would never use Kate . . . She’s like a footballer’s wife, with the too-blond hair and that kind of face that anyone with enough money can go out and buy

— Sophia Neophitou, Victoria’s Secret booker, 2012

Because who’d ever want to see a super hot wife of a pro athlete in lingerie? Only everybody, including Victoria’s Secret which went ahead and ran an old photo they shot of Kate on the back cover of their current catalog because even they know how fucking foolish they are. Kate is said to be pissed off at the hypocrisy. C’mon, Kate, let’s go burn that mother down, then get wasted, and I’ll show you approximately 90 seconds of the best loving you’ve ever known. Just like that.