Charlie Sheen Remembers That He’s Not White

Charlie Sheen will be billed by his birth name of Carlos Estevez in Robert Rodriguez’s upcoming Machete Kills. It seems that he suddenly remembered that part of his tiger/wizard/dragon blood is Latino. His dad Martin Sheen changed his own name from Ramón Antonio Gerardo Estévez when he started out. Back then Hollywood didn’t like the brown people unless they wore sombreros and were shot by John Wayne. His other son Emilio proudly kept the family name, and it didn’t keep him from starring in such classics as Mighty Ducks and Mighty Ducks 2. Robert Rodriguez brings the secret Latino out in people, even coaxing Jessica Alba to admit she’s a homegirl, (no easy task). Now that Charlie is officially “out of the piñata”, as it were, I’m not entirely sure the rest of us Latinos want him. The gays are getting a ton of well-spoken professional athletes now, the blacks even got Tiger Woods for a while when he was in big trouble, Where’s our superstar athletes coming out of the closet as Latino? Why do we get the dude who likes to get high and shoot his women? Latinos get fucked once again.