Peter Griffin Is The Head Of The Illuminati

We were all sickened by the bombings at the Boston Marathon earlier this week. After the initial shock of the act had subsided I had a thought that I have soon after any of these events: How are conspiracy theorists going to spin this into their Illuminati narrative? 9/11, The Kennedy assassination, and the Sandy Hook shooting have all been attributed to secret government/Illuminati/Freemason conspiracies. The answer for the Boston bombing is that it was predicted in an episode of The Family Guy. Yes, the cartoon with the talking dog. A video appeared on YouTube from nutball Alex Jones’ camp not long after the bombings that cut together two scenes from an episode of The Family Guy in which Peter Griffin wins the Boston Marathon by accidentally running over some runners with his car spliced with a later scene in which he unwittingly sets off a bomb with a cell phone given to him by a Jihadist. So, naturally this is the Illuminati telling us what they were going to do, right? Um, your a moron if you believe this.

First of all, it’s not what happened. While we don’t know all the details, I’m pretty sure all of those people weren’t injured because a mentally deficient fat man hit them with a station wagon. Secondly, they strung together two clips out of context. And most importantly, your whole conspiracy theory stuff is bullshit. There is no all-powerful secret society that secretly runs the world. You think the government can pull off all of these “false flag” stunts? Those management tards can’t even figure out how to keep a mail delivery service afloat in a nation where every single residence has a mailbox in front of it.. You are really grasping for straws when the best thing you can come up with is that something that is only sorta-kinda-not-really like a tragedy was on a shitty cartoon show. Seth MacFarlane said that these claims were “abhorrent”. For once, I agree with that assclown*.

*Assclown reference made before I heard he might be nailing Charlize Theron. Now, maybe, my hero.