Paris Hilton Was Born to Sell

If I told you that a blonde-haired lazy-eyed herp-ridden cocaine-addled heiress would someday become the world’s most successful nightclub promotions pimp, you’d tell me, duh, that that was completely obvious. Nobody whores up nightclub openings better and bigger and with more fake enthusiasm than Paris Hilton. I don’t care if she’s double dutching two bottles of Cristal in Riyadh or ringing the bell for a helado cart at a park in East Los Angeles, Paris Hilton brings in a ton of really stupid people with cash money to events. When she’s older, Paris will be standing in front of Sizzler restaurants with her house coat slit up to her supportive undergarments, her new robotic left eye auto-scanning the perimeter for potential early bird dinner sales. But that’s not for like five more years.

Here’s Paris in gold at yet another Vegas nightclub opening. She likely pocketed low six figures to preen for an hour and then get wasted in the club dancing for another hour. So, who’s laughing now. Well, besides her drug dealer.

Photo Credit: FameFlynet, PCN, WENN