Jessica Alba Wore Two Sweaty Girdles

I wore a double corset day and night for three months. It was sweaty, but worth it.

So says Jessica Alba to net-a-porter magazine in handing out simple post-partum body beautiful tips to fellow new moms.

‘It was brutal; it’s not for everyone,’

Why not for everyone? Why can’t I too have a slim physique by way of severe and painful binding of my body? Yeah, if I’m going to be all sweaty and in pain, I’d rather be at the gym where at least I can watch a random ball game I don’t really care about in peace, but this corset business should be an available secondary option. The Chinese have been binding girls feet for thousands of years. The result? Lots of chicks who have crappy balance, but they can fit into a size 6 at a shoe store without having to lie. What about those penis extender suction machines. Kind of a reverse binding situation. Who says those aren’t working miracles as well. I say, body part binding for all. This shit needs to be in Obamacare.

Photo Credit: Net-A-Porter Magazine