Gwyneth Paltrow Goes Commando

Gwyneth Paltrow was recently crowned the World’s Most Beautiful Woman by People Magazine, to which everyone except bored rich housewives who actually shop at goop rolled their eyes and continued to the CVS counter with their condoms and Klonopin prescriptions. At least that’s what I did. That magazine title should be renamed ‘Famous Woman Who’s Decent Looking Who Will Give Us a Big Cover Interview’ considering the honor went to Beyonce last year. The communist manifestos they hand out in front of the remaining vinyl record shops have more integrity than People magazine.

In an attempt to remind the world that she’s a sexy edgy cougar and not just a dried-up crusty MILF bathed in expensive lotions, Paltrow wore a panel dress revealing her lack of underwear to the premiere of Iron Man 3 last night in Hollywood. She’s too wound up to ever show us the goods, we’ll never get a vag shot like when Lindsay and Britney go improper commando, this is about as close as it gets to seeing the World’s Most Beautiful Woman’s clam. What do you imagine it looks like? All bare? No, far too porny for a princess. My guess is a perfectly waxed triangle of hair maintained regularly with wax made from her handmade apiary filled with designer organic bees. Organic bee wax available for sale on goop for just $179.99!

Photo Credit: Bauer-Griffin, FameFlynet, PCN, WENN