Kendall Jenner Receives the Wisdom of Her Sisters

Kendall Jenner may just be the luckiest girl in the world. Not only was she able to absorb all book knowledge she’d need in a lifetime by the second grade, but she has the wise counsel of three super older half-sisters, steering her like a clipper ship filled with kidnapped whores destined for the New World.  According to Kendall in the current edition of Harper’s Bazaar, each of the Kardashian sisters fulfills a special role in her maturation and guidance:

“Khloe is like my second mom, so whenever my little sister [Kylie] and I are fighting or we’re fighting with our parents, we call Khloe.”

If Khloe is like her mom, does that make O.J. like her grandfather?

“Kourtney is very, realistic with things. She will tell you the cold hard truth, even if it will make you cry, so whatever you’re dealing with, if you want to talk to her, she’ll be very realistic.”

As in, I’m short and slow and I have no appreciable job skills, so getting knocked up by an unemployed prickish snowboarder seems like my ceiling.

“Kim is super smart and really tech-savvy too. She’s been through a lot, so we can go to Kim with anything and she’ll have literally the best advice.”

Who has better advice on love, life, and relationships than Kim Kardashian, currently pregnant with the bastard baby of a fucked up rapper while she battles her tardy basketball player husband in court because she plotted to get him to marry her on camera for money?

Kendall doesn’t exactly have Jor-El in the Fortress of Solitude going on out there in Calabasas. She’s probably truly fucked. But, she’s going to have a big bank account, so she can skip over most of the consequences of making very poor decisions. Lucky girl.

Photo Credit: Harper’s Bazaar