Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes are getting a divorce

Celebrity news stories are often described as “shocking”, and they almost never are, but this one might be because after five seemingly happy years of marriage, Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes are getting a divorce.

People magazine says…

“This is a personal and private matter for Katie and her family,” says Holmes’s attorney. “Katie’s primary concern remains, as it always has been, her daughter’s best interest.”
(Cruise), 49, wed Holmes, 33, in an Italian castle in November 2006. They have a daughter Suri, 6.
This was Holmes’s first marriage and the third for Cruise, who previously was married to Nicole Kidman, with whom he has two children, and Mimi Rogers.

Cruise was famously accused of being pressured by Scientology to divorce Kidman right before their 10 year anniversary, which started a very public fight about when they actually separated. Under California law, after 10 years of marriage, Cruise would have lost more in the settlement and had to pay alimony until Kidman remarried.

So maybe Scientology is behind this divorce too. Maybe they don’t need Katie anymore. Maybe Suri is already strong enough in her training to take on Xenu and his Galactic Confederacy, and the time to strike back is now!

SURPRISING UPDATE – TMZ now adds that it was Holmes who filed for divorce, she wants sole custody of Suri, and Cruise was completely “blindsided” by all of this. This is why there are no good Scientologist quarterbacks. These dim fuckers have no pocket awareness.