Lindsay is totally innocent of these new charges, you guys

A woman has filed a battery compliant with the West Hollywood Sheriffs department saying she was talking to a guy in a bar last Thursday when Lindsay Lohan punched her in the back, shoved her, and told her to leave. But it turns out this girl is yet another crazy person who says horrible things about Lindsay Lohan for no reason whatsoever.

The Daily News says:

Lohan is adamantly denying (these) charges, saying she wasn’t even out on the town that night.
Instead, she says, she was at home watching TV that evening.
Lohan’s spokesman Steve Honig: “Lindsay was absolutely not involved in any sort of altercation whatsoever. This is clearly another case of someone looking for money and 15 minutes of fame.”

Yeah that makes perfect sense. The girl made it all up to sue someone with no money. Here’s how the thought process works:

– I’m in a popular and crowded bar.
– I decide to say I was assaulted by a very famous celebrity, even though that very famous celebrity is not here, and could be on the moon for all I know.
– I file a false report, punishable by up to a year in jail and a $1,000 fine.
– The sheriffs department will attempt to verify my story, but soon discover they can’t find even one person to confirm that the very famous celebrity was in the bar at the time.
– Success!
– I sit back and start countin my money.

It really is an airtight plan. I just hope this criminal mastermind doesn’t turn her evil super-brain against me. I’ll be ruined!

(oh and by the way, Lindsay did go out Wednesday night until at least 2am. Another way of saying that is that she was out on Thursday.)