as expected, Mariah Carey gave her kids dumb names

Mariah Carey gave birth to twins over the weekend, but so far she and her husband Nick Cannon have been real coy about revealing their names. Until now. I don’t know about you, but I’m on pins and needles.

CNN says…

Their son is named Moroccan Scott Cannon. Scott is Nick’s middle name, as well as his grandmother’s maiden name.
The top tier of Mariah’s New York City apartment is called the Moroccan Room, because of the Moroccan-inspired decor.

Their daughter’s name is Monroe Cannon. Mariah’s rep says she does not have a middle name because Mariah herself does not have one. Monroe was named after Marilyn Monroe, who has been an inspiration to Mariah her whole life.

Oh Jesus Christ. Moroccan Cannon? He might as well be named Push Me In The Mud Puddle Cannon. At best he sounds like a firework, at worst a vibrator. Oh, but I’m sure once he explains he’s named after his grandmother and a decor, the other kids will change that to, “a vibrator for men” and adjust their insults and punches accordingly.