Charlie Sheen was in the hospital for laughing too hard

Charlie Sheen is an asshole who beats up women, and that’s why I had my fingers crossed that he would die yesterday, but he didn’t, and now we’re gonna have to listen to a bunch of insultingly condescending explanations for why he was rushed to the hospital. Awesome. Officially, he’s in there for a hernia. And what caused it to flare up? Was it the 36-hour coke binge? Nooppe. Course not.

The Hollywood Reporter

One friend of Charlie Sheen has the most unusual reason for the actor’s hospitalization on Thursday — the Two and a Half Men star was laughing too hard.
Steve Brodersen, identified as Sheen’s friend by Extra, told the program that Sheen suffered a hernia injury while laughing too hard at the television from his home.
The report continues that Sheen may need surgery as soon as tomorrow to repair the hernia. Brodersen said that Sheen told him from the hospital bed, “I’m not dying.”

Is anyone in LA law enforcement gonna investigate this, by the way? At all? Witnesses are saying he had a briefcase full of coke. No one wants to look into that? Maybe swing by his house? No?

Okay fantastic.

I’m sure if there was a news report about my meter being expired and they could write me a ticket they’d have a team of forensics on the scene within the hour.