Monday afternoon headlines

CONAN O’BRIEN – will host the premiere of his new TBS show tonight, and he says one thing to look for on the new show is him forgiving Andy Richter: “Because you know it was him that f—ed up. I was doing fine before he came back.” I also heard that Richter was the Beltway Sniper. (tbs, ew)

LILY ALLEN – suffered a miscarriage last week, and over the weekend she was hospitalized with a blood disease called septicemia, which “accounts for tens of thousands of fatalities per year.” Her life is so tragic all of a sudden, she’s like one of those women in the bible. (la times)

MICHAEL JACKSON – has a new record coming out in December, and the first single was released today. It’s a terrible, terrible song, but it’s Michael Jackson so they’re gonna sell it anyway. In 10 years they’re gonna dig him up, take his femur and play his ribs like a xylophone and call it ALL NEW MICHAEL JACKSON MUSIC!!! (mj.com)