Wednesday headlines

CONAN O’BRIEN – has named his new show. He should have just called it ‘the Tonight Show’. NBC would go all apeshit but our court system is so fuked up it would take 10 years to sort everything out, and even then there’s an excellent chance a jury would rule for Conan. Never underestimate the power of shitty thinking. (huff post)

HEIDI MONTAGS SEX TAPE – is not being released, and all negotiations to sell it to Vivid have stopped. Which sucks. I was really looking forward to the 90 seconds I was gonna spend scanning through it before turning it off and watching a real porn. (tmz)

MEL GIBSON – is still really popular. 76 percent of people in a recent poll from Vanity Fair and 60 Minutes said they are just as likely to see one of his movies now as they were before his scandals. He was less popular in a poll from 106 and Park however, where 100 percent of respondents voted for, “Fuck dat. Im’a kick dat mothafuckas teef out.” (cbs)

LINDSAY LOHAN – used to get in trouble because she went to bars every night. Bars like Chateau Marmont. Then she went to rehab for the fifth time. And now she goes to bars every night. Like last night. When she went to Chateau Marmont. This is starting to look like a “Ransom of Red Chief” kind of thing, where UCLA just wanted to get rid of her. (radar)